remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
