So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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