dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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