Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
