"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Even the bartender felt bad for me
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
