I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
