I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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