dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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