I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
