I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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