Capitaan dildo arrescate!
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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