Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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