Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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