so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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