i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
