going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
