I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
