this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
