my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
