I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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