By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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