You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
