Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
