It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
