How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
