There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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