i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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