Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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