people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
