i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
