I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
