Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize