You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
