your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
