Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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