u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
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