I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
