the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
