She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
