ya dads aren't the best wingmen
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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