dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You smell like a Billy Joel song
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
