dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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