Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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