We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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