The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
