you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
