I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
