even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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