My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
