I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
