There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
