**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
