if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
