Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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