...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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