ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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