I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
