and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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