I think I can smell my own vagina right now
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
