had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Don't tell me you're on acid again
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
