i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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