Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
