Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
