My nipple is on Facebook.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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