3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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